The Bible tells us that marriage is honorable among all (Hebrews 13:4) so desiring to be married is not a sin before the eyes of the Lord. What makes marriage a sacred institution is that you stand before God Almighty and vow to give yourself to another, to serve, to love, to honor, and to protect knowing fully that destinies, purposes, and many generations to come will be affected by those vows and that God will hold you accountable to those vows. It is therefore so important to make sure that you’re entering that covenant with not only the right person, but God’s best for you. All through my singleness I found myself praying for my future spouse and studying the Word of God. The more I knew the Word of the Lord, the more specific my prayers for my future husband became and the more mature and eternally-focused those specifications became. By the time I was ready for marriage, I had created a list that contained ten characteristics of a godly husband that I would not compromise on as lead by the Spirit of God.
- 1. My husband must have a personal relationship with Christ Jesus, and not be just a “Church Guy”.
This first characteristic should be a given among believers simply because the Word of God says, “ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness” (2 Corinthians 6:14), but more and more Christians are falling prey to the devil by believing that “being a good person” is good enough. The problem with a “good guy” or a ” church guy” is that they have no firm foundation and no one to give account to so when things get a little difficult, instead of turning to God for solutions and answers, they turn to other means. It is only the God that formed you that can teach another person how best to love you so if your spouse has no personal deep relationship with Christ Jesus, how then can he meet God’s standard of love which, according to the Bible, is for men to love their wives just as Christ loves the church? He simply cannot meet up. Look for a spouse who walks with God, dwells with God, hears from God, and speaks to God and not a man that plays religion.
- 2. My husband must know his purpose and have a vision for his life and family
God created each of us for a purpose and there is an assignment that we are meant to carry out. Marrying the right person can make fulfilling the assignment easier in the same way marrying the wrong person can hinder us. The man you marry should know why he’s on earth and should have a vision of where God is leading him. The Scripture says, ” Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18) so marrying a man that does not know where he is going is a dangerous thing because he is the head of the house and thus by marrying him, you are willingly submitting yourself to be led by a blind man. There is room for many arguments and dissatisfaction in such a marriage because even if you know your purpose and have your vision, your husband has none so it’s either you spend the rest of your life forcefully trying to drag him along or you eventually break apart. The Bible clearly tells us that two cannot walk together unless they agree(Amos 3:3). Before marriage you both must agree in purpose (What are we to accomplish together) and the vision (Where are we going together).
- 3. My husband must be a leader and a decision maker
Life is simply a combination of all the decisions we took and didn’t take and choices we made. Knowing this coupled with characteristic #2, I knew that a great husband must be one that makes great choices because his choices will not only affect him, they will affect me and the children God will bless us with. The Bible says, ” A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways” ( James 1:8) which means when you cannot make decisions, everything about you will be unstable. The things that could be accomplish easily and timely can be prolonged just because he does not know when or how to take action. As Nigerians will says, “no dull”. Time waits for no one and a godly spouse must not only be able to hear from God, but he must also do as God says and lead his family as God is leading him.
- 4. My husband must be family-oriented
The family is the core of every strong nation and you can tell the strength of a nation, country, and community by the strength of the families that reside in those regions. The devil’s desire is to destroy the family unit and create a world of chaos where children have no regards for parents and vice versa. The Scripture in Ephesians 6:4 says, ” Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”. Does the man you’re interested in have anything worthwhile to pass down to his children? Can he train and nurture them? Will he be an active and present father or will he be consumed with work? Even if he’s a pastor, his family is his first ministry and the wellbeing of his children should be a priority to him. There are woman who are married, yet are single mothers because they married men who are still acting childish. The Bible says, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Godly men have outgrown childish things and are ready to bring up the next generation.
- 5. My husband must be a disciplined “one woman”- type man
A godly spouse is a spouse that is not led by his flesh, but rather he is led by the Spirit of God, and someone that is being led by the Spirit of God should bear fruits of the Spirit. The Bible tells us that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23). Self-control means having complete dominion over your body, appetite, and desires by dictating what you will and will not do. Godly spouses are not led by hormones or lust because they have disciplined their bodies and put it in submission to Christ. This means that while the world says all men cheat, they know that their God says, ” Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19). They are aware of the favor they’ve obtained from God and instead of chasing 10,000 women, they find 10,000 ways to love one woman. A godly spouse can be committed and faithful to you because he is committed and faithful to a God he has not seen.