God is interested and fully invested in every marriage. He wants marriages to succeed because it was His idea. The Scripture tells us, “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”- (Mark 10:6-9). This concept of becoming one flesh is why choosing the right spouse is so important. When you enter into marriage, you’re joining yourself, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, intellectually, financially, etc. etc., with one person for the rest of your life. The question then becomes, “Who and what are you fusing with?”. We must choose “Who” we are fusing with correctly in order to know “what” we are fusing with. Knowing the characteristics of a godly spouse and allowing ourselves to be led by the Holy Spirit of God will ensure that we enter into a marriage that reflects the love of Christ. If you haven’t read part one, you do can so at (https://feefeyorka.com/2019/04/ten-10-characteristics-of-a-godly-spouse-part-1/ ).
- 6. My husband must be a hard worker/ able to sustain a job and provide.
I must make a disclaimer: when it comes to finances, it is good to view it, like everything else, through the eyes of the Word of God. The Bible says, “ But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” -( 1 Timothy 5:8), which simply means, if he is not ready to work, he is also not ready to have a family. God commands husbands to love their wives as their own flesh and to nourish her and cherish her, as their own bodies, in the book of Ephesians 5:28-29; therefore, if he does not have something that he is doing to provide for her, he will end up causing malnourishment. If we were to look at what constitutes proper nutrition, we will first talk about a balance diet where all vital elements are being met. With that being said, a balance diet does not deal in excess/abundance. This characteristic of a godly spouse is the same. He does NOT have to be wealthy to be a godly spouse. He simply has to be a provider. When we pray the Lord’s prayer, we ask God to “give us THIS DAY, our DAILY bread”. That is God’s definition of providing. He gives you what you need for today and tells you that tomorrow will worry about itself ( Matthew 6:30-34) then when tomorrow comes, He provides again. Many women miss out on great men simply because they judge them by their pocket books. Is he driving the latest car? Carrying the latest Iphone? Can he buy me shawarma and pay my rent? All of these are shallow means of judging a man. What you want to look for is his drive and determination to succeed. Observe how he handles his work and take note of his work ethic. Does he work diligently even at his present job that may not be the best paying? These are the true signs of a man that will not only provide for his family, but derives joy in being able to provide. The Bible tells us that,“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, But the hand of the diligent makes rich”- (Proverbs 10:4). The NLT version says, “Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich”. Praise God if you meet a godly spouse who is also wealthy, but do not despise the days of little beginning especially for men who are walking with God. “Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men“-(Proverbs 22:29).
- 7. My husband has to be teachable and open to learning.
One of the most important reasons to look for a spouse who is open to learning is because the Holy Spirit is a teacher. The Bible says, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you”- John 14:26. No human knows it all so it is good to have a spouse who has very deep connection with the Spirit of God. The Word of God tells us that it is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to search out a matter (Proverbs 25:2). It also says that the Spirit of God searches all things, even the deep things of God (1 Corinthians 2:10). When you put both of these scriptures together, you find out that there are many mysteries of God that only the Holy Spirit can reveal and once He searches them, He is willingly to teach those things to whoever is available to learn. They often say that marriage is the only institute of higher learning where you get your certificate (marriage license) before you graduate. That is because you are about to become a life-long student of your spouse, learning their likes/dislikes and becoming one in every sense of the word. If your spouse is teachable, he will be sensitive to the Spirit of God who will teach him how best to handle you and love you. Signs of a teachable spouse include one who is open to correction, one who says, ” I don’t know” when he truly doesn’t know, and one who takes notes of the little things by practically studying you. A spouse that is “ITK”/”I Too Know”/”Mr.KnowItAll”, blocks the function of the Holy Spirit (The Helper) which means he blocks the divine help needed to make your marriage work.
- 8. My husband must not be proud.
In America, one of the most cited reasons for a divorce is ” irreconcilable differences”, which is when neither the wife nor the husband wants to compromise in order for there to be peace and unity in the home. This refusal to compromise and keep the home comes must times out of pride because no one wants to be the one to back down. The characteristics of a proud person aligns with the devil’s skill set which is to steal, to kill, and to destroy because that pride ultimately destroys their homes. The Word of God lets us know that, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18) and that is why God commands us both (wife and husband) to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). If you’re looking for a godly marriage, a proud spouse also makes God your enemy. The Word of God says, ” God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” -(James 4:6) so if your spouse if proud, you may be on one side fasting and firing down prayers, yet God is resisting and opposing your spouse because of his prideful nature. Why is God resisting the proud? Because their prideful nature is closed off to instruction and gives no room for the Holy Spirit to teach (characteristics #7). There are just too many scriptures that stress that importance of humility for someone not to require that characteristic in a spouse because “By humility and the fear of the Lord Are riches and honor and life” (Proverbs 22:4).
- 9. My husband must have people in his life he is accountable to/ wise counsel.
“No man is an island” is a common saying among people and truly, no one is an island. Everyone has a past and history that has shaped and guided them to be who they are today. A godly spouse will have a set of people or a particular person (parents, relative, pastor, close friend, etc.) that holds him to a set standard. Why is this an important characteristic? The Bible says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety”- (Proverbs 11:14). This means when wise people come together to advice, chances are they will lead you to the right choice. There is a bit of caution we must insert at this point which is to define “wise people”. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs9:10), so anyone who is to be wise must counsel only with the Word of God and their advices must not contradict God’s Holy Words. When a godly spouse has these counselors in his life and has seen examples of what godly marriages look like, he will be more incline to follow in the right footsteps and if he deviates, there will be people in his life that know what godly marriages should look like and those people can draw him back in line. My husband once told me that the worst type of men around are men without shame because shame comes only when you have accountability. Without accountability there’s no reason to behave a certain way because no one expects anything from you and this is why the Bible says, “the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.” (Proverbs 12:15). Wise counsel/ accountability partners set a high standard backed up by the Word of God and ensures safety.
- 10. My husband must be a giver/server.
Marriage is give and take, but instead of 50/50, marriage is 100/100. Both husband and wife must daily die to themselves to serve the other. With that being said, a godly spouse must be much more a giver than a taker. Giving and serving are both attributes of Christ. Jesus said He did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:28) and He also said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”- (Acts 20:35). If Jesus Christ is the husbandman and the church is His bride, than marriage between a man and his bride should be a mirror of Christ and the church. What does that look like? Well the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:25-28). That scripture is all about sacrificial giving and service! The godly spouse gives Himself totally and also sanctifies, cleanses and washes and none of these things are done because the bride (church or woman) deserves it, instead it’s all done regardless off their actions! If the man is not giving his time, his energy, his effort, his attention right now, there’s a high chance he won’t give it later. If he is not dying to himself and serving now, he won’t in marriage. Christ is the ultimate Husband and if He thought giving and serving was important, we ought to note that before we enter courtship with someone that will lead to marriage.
This list is not an exhausted list of characteristics of a godly spouse, but it is a good starting point. However, we must remember that we cannot require these characteristics from a godly spouse if we do not possess them ourselves. Go back through the list and replace “my husband” with your name. Just in the same way you pray for God to bring you a godly spouse, there’s a man praying for a godly wife and the same God that will not give His daughters men who are not His sons, is the same God who will not give His sons women who are not His daughters. May God help us all to become more like Him everyday.
With Love ♥